It's bad enough that Jackie Chan is still making kids movies, but that he's making a kids movie that follows the exact same path of movies already made that starred Vin Diesel and The Rock...that's just depressing.
Clearly the man can still kick ass and do karate, so why the hell isn't he doing it in action movies?
As bad as the movie looks though, I do think that this trailer is kind of an excellent case study for an analysis of bad trailers. We start with a satellite - aha! This movie is going to be about spies! At 15 seconds the trailer guys voice kicks in, and the moment he says "but he's about to face his toughest assignment yet" our minds start to tick - what could be more tough that dictators, terrorists and evil empires?
Finally, when we can stand the tension no longer, the reveal: babysitting. And right on cue, the kooky upbeat music begins to play: "why can't we be friends?", and suddenly we're home, nestling into the familiar bosom of mediocrity. From this point, the trailer transforms into a game of find the most individually appalling moment. It's tough, because every line is more awful than the last, every scenario more hackneyed. I don't know why the girl looks so put off at 55 seconds when Jackie Chan is proving he's still "with it" - personally that's exactly how I talk (respect bitches).
Then, when we've had enough comedy gold, the mission. Jackie Chan must foil the blankie blanks plans, and he won't be able to do it alone. That's responsible babysitting for you - take the annoying children into the terrorist strong hold - they'll fight them off Home Alone style.
The trailer wouldn't be complete with the obligatory "getting hit in the nuts" shot, but at least they give it a little flair. It's also good to see the that the film-makers respected child safety laws, because it's pretty obvious that the "fire" at 1:49 couldn't hurt anyone.
But my favourite part of the trailer would have to be "with Billy Ray Cyrus...and George Lopez". A surefire sign of quality if I ever saw one.
Clearly the man can still kick ass and do karate, so why the hell isn't he doing it in action movies?
As bad as the movie looks though, I do think that this trailer is kind of an excellent case study for an analysis of bad trailers. We start with a satellite - aha! This movie is going to be about spies! At 15 seconds the trailer guys voice kicks in, and the moment he says "but he's about to face his toughest assignment yet" our minds start to tick - what could be more tough that dictators, terrorists and evil empires?
Finally, when we can stand the tension no longer, the reveal: babysitting. And right on cue, the kooky upbeat music begins to play: "why can't we be friends?", and suddenly we're home, nestling into the familiar bosom of mediocrity. From this point, the trailer transforms into a game of find the most individually appalling moment. It's tough, because every line is more awful than the last, every scenario more hackneyed. I don't know why the girl looks so put off at 55 seconds when Jackie Chan is proving he's still "with it" - personally that's exactly how I talk (respect bitches).
Then, when we've had enough comedy gold, the mission. Jackie Chan must foil the blankie blanks plans, and he won't be able to do it alone. That's responsible babysitting for you - take the annoying children into the terrorist strong hold - they'll fight them off Home Alone style.
The trailer wouldn't be complete with the obligatory "getting hit in the nuts" shot, but at least they give it a little flair. It's also good to see the that the film-makers respected child safety laws, because it's pretty obvious that the "fire" at 1:49 couldn't hurt anyone.
But my favourite part of the trailer would have to be "with Billy Ray Cyrus...and George Lopez". A surefire sign of quality if I ever saw one.
The Spy Next Door will be in theatres in the US from January 15th 2010, and in Australia from March 25th. For once, I'm not going to raise a stink about the injustice of delayed releases.
