MTV Movie Award Nominations: it's as bad as we feared

The nominations for the MTV Movie awards have been announced, and they have once again reminded us why no one cares about the MTV Movie Awards. A bastion of vacuousness, celebrity worship and an inevitable performance by Eminem, this is a ceremony where the winners are judged not so much on the quality of a performance or film, but on the fame and/or attractiveness of the people involved. This years ceremony will be hosted by Andy Samberg, which should give you an idea of the flavour of the month sentimentality's of this institution. Don't get me wrong, I laughed at the Like a Boss video just as much as everyone else, but Samberg isn't exactly a captivating personality for more than about three minutes. Then again, Jessica Alba isn't even captivating for that long, so he'll probably be better than her.

I'm surprised they didn't ask him to host the Golden Globes

The biggest problem with the MTV Movie awards is the way that the present themselves as the cool alternative, the voice of generation Y. This pisses me off because as a member of that generation, I can tell you that Transformers was not the best movie of 2007...and Pirates of the Caribbean II definitely wasn't the best movie of 2006. I'm not quite as offended by this ceremony as I am by the Teen Choice Awards (I'm a teenager but I guarantee you I had no choice in handing Step Up 2: The Street the Best Picture Surfboard last year (in a category called 'Choice Drama' no less)). Still, the MTV Movie Awards promote a culture of short attention spans, retard jokes and really shitty movies. And yes, I realise that by blogging about it, I only draw attention to it (but because not many people read this, hopefully I wont draw that much attention.)

One other thing I should point out before I get to the nominations is that this year, fans will be voting for the winners...so if you want to part of the problem, visit MovieAwards.mtv.com before May 27th. And for the love of god, if you do...please don't vote for Twilight!


And the nominees are...

Best Movie
The Dark Knight
Twilight
High School Musical 3
Iron Man
Slumdog Millionaire

In my opinion there are only two credible options here (which ironically was the same way I felt about the Oscars) - The Dark Knight and Slumdog Millionaire were my two favourite films of 2008. In terms of who will win (as opposed to which of the movies are actually good) it's a contest between the Batman fanboys and the Twilight fangirls. Based on the ceremonies demographic, I'm tipping this one will go exactly where I don't want it to...take a bow Sparkles the Vampire

I don't get it...he's not even attractive!

Best Female Performance
Angelina Jolie - Wanted
Anne Hathaway - Bride Wars
Kate Winslet - The Reader
Kristen Stewart - Twilight (of course)
Taraji P. Henson - The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

I just think it's funny that at the Oscars, Jolie gets nominated for a heart-wrenching performance as a mother who's son disappears. Here she gets nominated for curving bullets and showing her ass.

Best Male Performance
Christian Bale - The Dark Knight
Robert Downey Jr. - Iron Man
Shia LaBeouf - Eagle Eye
Vin Diesel - Fast & Furious
Zac Efron - High School Musical 3

Alright, I can understand nominating Efron for the tween crowd, but Shia? Even they hate him. Gandhi hates him for Christ's sake!

Breakout Female Performance
Amanda Seyfried - Mamma Mia!
Ashley Tisdale - High School Musical 3: Senior Year
Freida Pinto - Slumdog Millionaire
Kat Dennings - Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist
Miley Cyrus - Hannah Montana: The Movie
Vanessa Hudgens - High School Musical 3: Senior Year

I would like to murder most of these nominees...I'm not joking.

Especially this one

Breakout Male Performance
Ben Barnes - The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian
Bobb'e J. Thompson - Role Models
Dev Patel - Slumdog Millionaire
Robert Pattinson - Twilight
Taylor Lautner - Twilight

Best Comedic Performance
Amy Poehler - Baby Mama
Anna Faris - The House Bunny
James Franco - Pineapple Express
Jim Carrey - Yes Man
Steve Carell - Get Smart

Best Villain
Derek Mears - Friday the 13th
Dwayne Johnson - Get Smart
Heath Ledger - The Dark Knight
Johnathon Schaech - Prom Night
Luke Goss - Hellboy II: The Golden Army

Best Kiss
Angelina Jolie & James McAvoy - Wanted
Freida Pinto & Dev Patel - Slumdog Millionaire
James Franco & Sean Penn - Milk
Kristen Stewart & Robert Pattinson - Twilight
Paul Rudd & Thomas Lennon - I Love You, Man
Vanessa Hudgens & Zac Efron - High School Musical 3: Senior Year

The only way this doesn't go to Twilight is if they give it to a same sex kiss for the third year in a row. Sorry MTV, but you can't be seen as pro-gay rights when just last year you nominated I Know Pronounce You Chuck and Larry for two awards.

It's finny because they're gay...and that's gross...right?

Best Fight
Anne Hathaway vs. Kate Hudson - Bride Wars
Christian Bale vs. Heath Ledger - The Dark Knight
Robert Pattinson vs. Cam Gigandet - Twilight
Ron Perlman vs. Luke Goss - Hellboy II: The Golden Army
Seth Rogan & James Franco vs. Danny McBride - Pineapple Express

Best WTF Moment (yes, this is a category...dear god)
Amy Poehler - Baby Mama, "Peeing In the Sink"
Angelina Jolie - Wanted, "Curved Bullet Kill"
Ayush Mahesh Khedekar - Slumdog Millionaire, "Jumping in the Poop Shed"
Ben Stiller - Tropic Thunder, "Tasting the Decapitated Head"
Jason Segel and Kristen Bell - Forgetting Sarah Marshall, "Naked Break-Up"

Best Song from a Movie
"Jai Ho" by A. R. Rahman - Slumdog Millionaire
"The Wrestler" by Bruce Springsteen - The Wrestler
"The Climb" by Miley Cyrus - Hannah Montana: The Movie
"Decode" by Paramore - Twilight

Well Mr Springsteen, you may have been jibbed by the Academy, but surely this is the next best thing?

So there you have it. Most of these categories have at least one decent nomination, but naturally the deserving nominee will not win. The Twilight folks are unsurprisingly the biggest players with 7 nominations. And you know what? Good for them. I never saw the stupid movie, and will continue to criticize it as much as possible, but lots of people with bad taste liked it, so it's only fair that it should win something decided by lots of people with bad taste.