The top 20 movies of 2009...that I didn't see

It’s that time of the year again; the time when the internet in inundated with lists of the best and worst things of the year. Like all film bloggers I’ll be posting my Top 10 of 2009 list some time next week (and then I’ll repost it again sometime in March 2010 once the rest of 2009’s films actually hit screens in this stupid country). But before I do that, I thought I’d take a look at some of the films that won’t be making that list; not because they were bad (necessarily), but because I simply didn’t get around to seeing them. I’ve seen more than sixty films theatrically this year, which might sound like a lot until you realize that well over two hundred movies were realized in Australia over the course of 2009.

Anyway, after wading through the list and cutting a lot of the crap, I’ve come up with the twenty films of I most regret missing out on. Keep in mind that these are not the twenty best looking movies of 2009 that I didn’t see…in fact some of them looked down right terrible. But that doesn’t mean I didn’t want to see them.

No. 20 – The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus
I flat out hate this kind of movie. I call it a “Paul Millar” movie - that’s an inside joke between myself and someone called Paul Millar in case you can’t tell. The whole masquerade, gothic fairytale bullshit that some people seem to love so much; I just can’t stand it. The only reason this movie is on the list is because it features Heath Ledger's final performance. The reason I ended up missing it…well, I kind of outlined it above: I hate this kind of movie. And while Ledger was definitely a draw, it wasn’t enough to get my hard earned cash. I’ll rent it and then no doubt decree that The Dark Knight was actually his last performance. Because which role are we going to remember in 20 years?

No. 19 – The International
I heard this espionage thriller directed by Tom Tykwer (Run Lola Run) and starring Clive Owen was pretty mediocre. I also heard it had one of the most intense and brilliantly choreographed action scenes of the decade. Think I’ll rent it and fast forward to the Guggenheim scene. Or perhaps I should just YouTube it.

No. 18 – Orphan
This movie looked god awful and I had no intention of paying to see it. Then, several months after it left theatres, I heard what the twist ending was. Wow. Possibly the most retarded thing I have ever heard, but I’ve got to give them points for originality. Definitely a movie I plan on renting with a large group of friends.


No. 17 – Friday the 13th
ki-ki-ki-ma-ma-ma! I love this franchise. Every stupid second of it. I love it when Kevin Bacon gets stabbed in the throat with an arrow in Part 1. I love it when Jason comes back to life after getting struck by lightning in Part 6. I even love it when he’s bonded with nanotechnology and starts hunting teenagers on a spaceship in Jason X. This series is retarded, but soooooo much fun. The trailer for this remake/reimagining was in itself a remake/reimagining of the original Friday the 13th trailer from 1980, complete with kill count, and it had me drooling. Reason I didn’t see it? Couldn’t convince any of my friends to sneak into an R18+ movie with me. And seeing it by yourself kind of defeats the purpose.





No. 16 (tied) – The Boy in the Stripped Pyjamas/My Sisters Keeper
I thought these movies looked about equal in terms of tear jerky emotionally manipulative trash; the story of girl who was conceived so her DNA could be used to cure her cancer ridden sister, and the son of a Nazi officer who befriends a Jewish boy who lives in a concentration camp near where his father is stationed. Clearly, dying children always do well at the box office apparently. I had zero interest in actually watching these movies, but writing the scathing reviews afterwards would probably have been a lot of fun.

No. 14 – My Bloody Valentine 3D
The reason I didn’t see it is the same reason I didn’t see Friday the 13th…the reason I wanted to see it was also the same. Blood. Nudity. Severed limbs. And to top it all off, it was in glorious campy 80's style 3D. I ask you, what’s not to love? I think this extremely NSFW scene should give you a good idea of whether this sort of wonderful garbage is for you.

See the appeal? Oh and by the way, you don't see it in this clip but the naked girl dies as well. Go figure.

No. 13 – Mao’s Last Dancer
I wasn’t hugely interested in this Australian production about a Chinese ballet dancer who seeks asylum in the US. But the reviews were strong and the film got quite a bit of attention at the Australian Film Institute Awards. Based on that I would have seen it, but unfortunately it was playing right around the time of my exams and there just wasn’t enough time. I’ll definitely check it out on DVD.

No. 12 – I Love You, Man
I just flat out love Jason Segal. He’s great in supporting roles in Knocked Up and How I Met Your Mother, and Forgetting Sarah Marshall (which he both wrote and starred in) might be one of the best comedies of the decade. He might be one of the most likable actors working today, and this movie looked like it gave him plenty of time to shine.

Oh, uh…Paul Rudd is good too.

No. 11 – Funny People
I can’t remember why I didn’t see this movie, but I know I really wanted to. It looked, for lack of a better word, funny. Then again, I heard it sort of wasn’t. But intentionally so. Ah well, DVD it is.

No. 10 – This Is It
Say what you will about Michael Jackson the man, as a singer, dancer and all round performer, he is unparalleled. I will never get a chance to see him in concert, and sadly I missed out on my chance to see him on the big screen as well. Maybe the movie was exploiting his death; I don’t know. But this is a must rent for me.

No. 9 – Adventureland
I’m not even sure if this played in theatres in Australia or just went straight to DVD after a poor theatrical run in the US, but the word of mouth is that this charming coming of age story set in an amusement park was both touching and very funny, with great performances from the entire cast, including one from Queen of the Vampires Kristen Stewart.

No. 8 (tied) – Che/The Girlfriend Experience
I am a big fan of director Steven Soderbergh, and the man has had a very busy year. As well as a four plus hour biopic on Che Guevara (released in many places in two parts) and an experimental drama about a high priced New York call girl starring pornographic actress Sasha Grey, he also made The Informant! starring Matt Damon. I haven’t actually seen that either (although I plan to sometime this week): if I don’t get around to it though, it would have made this list as well. None of the films were beloved by critics, but they all looked interesting and pretty unique.

No. 6 – The Twilight Saga: New Moon
Like all self respecting teenage males, I hate Twilight and everything it stands for. But I haven’t actually seen either of the films and I cannot deny having some level of curiosity. During schoolies week this year (the week following the end of school) my friends and I were down at the beach and saw that New Moon was playing at the local cinema. Thus a plan was formulated to get very drunk and then go check it out. Sadly this plan never came to fruition (well, the first part did), and we ended up watching It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia all night instead. And to be honest, that was probably more enjoyable anyway.
P.S. I am so team Jacob.

No. 5 – Departures
I don’t really know much about this film, other than its Japanese and it beat Waltz with Bashir for Best Foreign Language Feature at the Oscars last year. I really wanted to see it (as did my parents), but unfortunately it became one of numerous cinematic casualties to my exams. DVD for sure.

No. 4 – Fanboys
The troubled history of this little comedy about a group of Star Wars fans who attempt to break into Skywalker ranch as watch The Phantom Menace before its release is legendary in the online film community. Taken from its director, edited down and facing a direct to DVD release, it was a studio interference horror story. Creative control was eventually returned to the filmmakers, and I was really excited to check it out. Unfortunately it only had a week long theatrical run in one theatre in Melbourne, and then went quickly to DVD. Still, at least we’ll finally get to see it.

No. 3 – Synecdoche, New York
The directorial debut of Charlie Kaufman, the writer of Being John Malkovich, Adaptation and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, this bizarre drama starring Phillip Seymour Hoffman was labeled confusing, inaccessible, unsatisfying and utterly brilliant. Released in the US in 2008, it didn’t hit theatres here in Australia until the first quarter of 2009 and even then only played for a short time in select arthouse theatres. I had every intention of seeing it, but for whatever reason I didn’t, and then spent the remainder of the year kicking myself.

No. 2 – Anvil: The Story of Anvil
Often referred to as the real life This is Spinal Tap, this documentary about an unsuccessful metal band named Anvil had a great trailer, got killer reviews and just looked like such a huge amount of fun. Again being a smaller film it didn’t get a very wide release, hence me not seeing it. But it’s currently sitting at number 4 on my Quickflix queue, so this error will soon be rectified.

No. 1 – Ghajini
What?! You haven’t heard of Ghajini?! Ok well I guess that’s fair enough, seeing as it only played for about a week in a single cinema in Melbourne. I don’t even remember how I heard about it, but the moment I found out there was a Hindi language remake of Memento, my all time favourite film, I had to see it. Despite the fact that it is one of the highest grossing films in Bollywood history however, by the time I heard about it it was gone. But I’m going to find it on DVD if it kills me.

Well that about does it. If a film didn’t appear on this list, it’s because I either saw it (a full list of those films will be posted at the end of the year) or had no interest in seeing it. There are still a few 2009 releases such as Paranormal Activity, Bright Star and Sherlock Holmes that I’ve yet to see, but hopefully I’ll get around to them before they leave theatres.

So, thoughts? Am I an idiot for wanting to see Friday the 13th? Was My Sisters Keeper actually a subtle and compelling drama? If you saw them, what did you think of the movies on this list, and should I bother checking them out? And what movies of 2009 do you regret missing yourself?