Genre: Horror
Director: Samuel Bayer
Starring: Jackie Earle Haley, Rooney Mara, Kyle Galner, Katie Cassidy, Thomas Decker, Clancy Brown, Connie Britton
Running Time: 95 minutes (plus trailers)
"Don't. Fall. Asleep"
The franchise that brought wise cracking serial killer Freddy Krueger into the popular consciousness is the latest slasher property to be acquired by Platinum Dunes, the production company founded by Michael Bay that specializes in remakes of eighties horror films. Oh, I’m sorry, did I say remake? I meant “reimagining” – that of course being the terminology the studios prefer. You see, “remake” makes it sound as though they just took the original film and then made it again, whereas “reimagining” gives you the impression that there was some kind of, well…imagination involved. Which is of course ridiculous, because if there is one thing that the recent versions of The Hitcher (2007) or Friday the 13th (2009) lack, it is imagination. These are movies that look and feel exactly the same, all the way down to the cast of almost uniformly terrible Caucasian actors in their early twenties who are looking to break into feature films after slumming it in shows on the WB network for five years. That’s right – getting decapitated on screen is actually a step up for most of these kids. Ah, to be in show business.
But it is very easy to hate on remakes, so before I go any further, let me make two things clear. Number one: Samuel Bayer’s remak-sorry…reimagining of A Nightmare on Elm Street is not that bad. Number two: Wes Craven’s 1984 original is not that good. And I don’t want you old-school horror fans getting upset; I love the original Nightmare film, just as I love the original Prom Night, the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and so on and so forth. But they are not good movies. They provide cheap thrills; nudity, gore, filthy language – as fucking entertaining as it is when a young Johnny Depp gets swallowed up by his own bed and is then regurgitated in a glorious geyser of blood and guts, you can hardly call it quality cinema.
Never the less, the slasher movies of the 1980s did at least have imagination. As exploitative and (looking back) campy as they were, low budget horror, starting with Tobe Hoopers Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974) and John Carpenter’s Halloween (1978) gave audiences something new, offered independent filmmakers a chance to get their break in Hollywood, and decades later, characters like Leatherface, Michael Myers, Jason Voorhees and of course Freddy Krueger (with his bladed glove and fedora + sweater combo that apparently never goes out of style) are cinematic icons. Which is probably why Platinum Dunes are so eager to give them to us yet again. Remakes sell; even those who have never seen the original know who Freddy Krueger is, and even diehard fans like me tend to not be able to help but buy a ticket.
All this is basically my way of saying that as this movie started, my expectations were fairly low. Which is probably a good thing; because ultimately I left A Nightmare on Elm Street fairly satisfied with I had seen. The first twenty to thirty minutes of the film are abysmal, thanks mainly to the acting (and I hesitate to call it that) of Katie Cassidy, who’s “process” seems to be to take a breath and scrunch up her face before every single word. You’re scared, I get it. Most of the acting here is bad, but Cassidy is truly cringe-worthy. Thankfully this is a slasher movie, and so it’s not long before…actually, I guess I shouldn’t spoil it…let’s just say that she’s not around for the entire run time.
Anyway, once the cast starts getting slimmed down, the film does pick up. For those who don’t know the plot of the movie, it follows a group of teenagers who find themselves being killed in their dreams by Freddy, a man with a hideously burnt face and razor sharp knives attached to one gloved hand. Essentially, this means there are two things any Nightmare film needs – frightening dream sequences and a frightening Freddy. Jackie Earle Haley takes over from Robert Englund as Krueger, and although he isn’t as impressive as he was in Watchmen or Little Children, he is still suitably menacing in the role. Although it must really suck when you start getting type-cast as a pedophile.
Likewise, the dreams are often pretty cool; conceptually they’re pretty much the same as the original, set in either the high school of Freddy’s boiler room. However, first-time director Bayer provides us with some pretty interesting/sinister visuals, especially with the introduction of the concept of “micro-naps”. Like I said, Platinum Dunes films all look pretty similar, but they are well produced enough not to look cheap. The big is exception to this is the CGI; the special effects in this 2010 movie made on a budget of thirty-five million dollars look consistently worse than the same effects done practically in a movie made in 1984 on a budget of less than two million. Write this down: if possible, practical effects are always the better option.
Ominous imagery aside, this movie relies almost solely on jump scares to be frightening, and unfortunately I watch far too many horror movies to be gotten so easily, especially when they’re all accompanied by that same sudden chord in the soundtrack Honestly, I think I was only genuinely startled twice during this film, and being startled it very different to being actually frightening. But horror is subjective, and the scares did seem to be affecting most of the audience (made up completely of teenagers) that I saw it with. I’d also like to take this moment to apologize for my age bracket: teenagers are fucking annoying movie goers.
Fright aside, everything else about this movie is very poor. The dialogue and acting is appalling, though thankfully Kyle Gallner and Rooney Mara, who play the two teenagers who survive the longest, are the best of a bad lot – Gallner somehow manages to deliver the line “you’ve got to believe in something” with a straight face, despite it being completely meaningless (who speaks like that!?). This movie is a by the numbers studio production from start to finish – take a property people know, attach a competent director and a young attractive cast, and then murder away. Yet I still bought a ticket. And after seeing the half a dozen Platinum Dunes remakes that came before this, I don’t really have a right to complain.
Two more quick thoughts before I go. First off, to the writer: teenagers don’t read. We just don’t. When we’re researching, it’s Google all the way, so don’t give me a scene where our intrepid heroes go to the bookshop to look up sleep disorders. Secondly: what was with the use of drugs in this movie? Anyone who’s seen the original knows that it deals with alcoholism (albeit briefly and pretty unsubtly), so when I saw one of the teens popping Ritalin, I thought the movie might actually offer us some kind of commentary on the over-medication of today’s youths, or something like that. But no, narcotics actually end up saving the day in this movie. Three cheers for drugs! Hip hip hooray!
A Nightmare on Elm Street is in cinemas now
Director: Samuel Bayer
Starring: Jackie Earle Haley, Rooney Mara, Kyle Galner, Katie Cassidy, Thomas Decker, Clancy Brown, Connie Britton
Running Time: 95 minutes (plus trailers)
"Don't. Fall. Asleep"
The franchise that brought wise cracking serial killer Freddy Krueger into the popular consciousness is the latest slasher property to be acquired by Platinum Dunes, the production company founded by Michael Bay that specializes in remakes of eighties horror films. Oh, I’m sorry, did I say remake? I meant “reimagining” – that of course being the terminology the studios prefer. You see, “remake” makes it sound as though they just took the original film and then made it again, whereas “reimagining” gives you the impression that there was some kind of, well…imagination involved. Which is of course ridiculous, because if there is one thing that the recent versions of The Hitcher (2007) or Friday the 13th (2009) lack, it is imagination. These are movies that look and feel exactly the same, all the way down to the cast of almost uniformly terrible Caucasian actors in their early twenties who are looking to break into feature films after slumming it in shows on the WB network for five years. That’s right – getting decapitated on screen is actually a step up for most of these kids. Ah, to be in show business.But it is very easy to hate on remakes, so before I go any further, let me make two things clear. Number one: Samuel Bayer’s remak-sorry…reimagining of A Nightmare on Elm Street is not that bad. Number two: Wes Craven’s 1984 original is not that good. And I don’t want you old-school horror fans getting upset; I love the original Nightmare film, just as I love the original Prom Night, the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and so on and so forth. But they are not good movies. They provide cheap thrills; nudity, gore, filthy language – as fucking entertaining as it is when a young Johnny Depp gets swallowed up by his own bed and is then regurgitated in a glorious geyser of blood and guts, you can hardly call it quality cinema.
Never the less, the slasher movies of the 1980s did at least have imagination. As exploitative and (looking back) campy as they were, low budget horror, starting with Tobe Hoopers Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974) and John Carpenter’s Halloween (1978) gave audiences something new, offered independent filmmakers a chance to get their break in Hollywood, and decades later, characters like Leatherface, Michael Myers, Jason Voorhees and of course Freddy Krueger (with his bladed glove and fedora + sweater combo that apparently never goes out of style) are cinematic icons. Which is probably why Platinum Dunes are so eager to give them to us yet again. Remakes sell; even those who have never seen the original know who Freddy Krueger is, and even diehard fans like me tend to not be able to help but buy a ticket.
All this is basically my way of saying that as this movie started, my expectations were fairly low. Which is probably a good thing; because ultimately I left A Nightmare on Elm Street fairly satisfied with I had seen. The first twenty to thirty minutes of the film are abysmal, thanks mainly to the acting (and I hesitate to call it that) of Katie Cassidy, who’s “process” seems to be to take a breath and scrunch up her face before every single word. You’re scared, I get it. Most of the acting here is bad, but Cassidy is truly cringe-worthy. Thankfully this is a slasher movie, and so it’s not long before…actually, I guess I shouldn’t spoil it…let’s just say that she’s not around for the entire run time.Anyway, once the cast starts getting slimmed down, the film does pick up. For those who don’t know the plot of the movie, it follows a group of teenagers who find themselves being killed in their dreams by Freddy, a man with a hideously burnt face and razor sharp knives attached to one gloved hand. Essentially, this means there are two things any Nightmare film needs – frightening dream sequences and a frightening Freddy. Jackie Earle Haley takes over from Robert Englund as Krueger, and although he isn’t as impressive as he was in Watchmen or Little Children, he is still suitably menacing in the role. Although it must really suck when you start getting type-cast as a pedophile.
Likewise, the dreams are often pretty cool; conceptually they’re pretty much the same as the original, set in either the high school of Freddy’s boiler room. However, first-time director Bayer provides us with some pretty interesting/sinister visuals, especially with the introduction of the concept of “micro-naps”. Like I said, Platinum Dunes films all look pretty similar, but they are well produced enough not to look cheap. The big is exception to this is the CGI; the special effects in this 2010 movie made on a budget of thirty-five million dollars look consistently worse than the same effects done practically in a movie made in 1984 on a budget of less than two million. Write this down: if possible, practical effects are always the better option.Ominous imagery aside, this movie relies almost solely on jump scares to be frightening, and unfortunately I watch far too many horror movies to be gotten so easily, especially when they’re all accompanied by that same sudden chord in the soundtrack Honestly, I think I was only genuinely startled twice during this film, and being startled it very different to being actually frightening. But horror is subjective, and the scares did seem to be affecting most of the audience (made up completely of teenagers) that I saw it with. I’d also like to take this moment to apologize for my age bracket: teenagers are fucking annoying movie goers.
Fright aside, everything else about this movie is very poor. The dialogue and acting is appalling, though thankfully Kyle Gallner and Rooney Mara, who play the two teenagers who survive the longest, are the best of a bad lot – Gallner somehow manages to deliver the line “you’ve got to believe in something” with a straight face, despite it being completely meaningless (who speaks like that!?). This movie is a by the numbers studio production from start to finish – take a property people know, attach a competent director and a young attractive cast, and then murder away. Yet I still bought a ticket. And after seeing the half a dozen Platinum Dunes remakes that came before this, I don’t really have a right to complain.
Two more quick thoughts before I go. First off, to the writer: teenagers don’t read. We just don’t. When we’re researching, it’s Google all the way, so don’t give me a scene where our intrepid heroes go to the bookshop to look up sleep disorders. Secondly: what was with the use of drugs in this movie? Anyone who’s seen the original knows that it deals with alcoholism (albeit briefly and pretty unsubtly), so when I saw one of the teens popping Ritalin, I thought the movie might actually offer us some kind of commentary on the over-medication of today’s youths, or something like that. But no, narcotics actually end up saving the day in this movie. Three cheers for drugs! Hip hip hooray!
A Nightmare on Elm Street is in cinemas now
