funny quotes that make you smile
Here's a good trick: Get a job as a judge at the Olympics. Then, if some guy sets a world record, pretend that you didn't see it and go, "Okay, is everybody ready to start now?" ~Jack Handey
For many men, the acquisition of wealth does not end their troubles, it only changes them. ~Seneca
The good historian is like the giant of the fairy tale. He knows that wherever he catches the scent of human flesh, there his quarry lies. ~Marc Bloch, The Historian's Craft
One characteristic of Americans is that they have no tolerance at all of anybody putting up with anything. We believe that whatever is going wrong ought to be fixed. ~Margaret Mead
Gray hair is a blessing - ask any bald man. ~Author Unknown
Christmas - that magic blanket that wraps itself about us, that something so intangible that it is like a fragrance. It may weave a spell of nostalgia. Christmas may be a day of feasting, or of prayer, but always it will be a day of remembrance - a day in which we think of everything we have ever loved. ~Augusta E. Rundel
To travel is to discover that everyone is wrong about other countries. ~Aldous Huxley
Time engraves our faces with all the tears we have not shed. ~Natalie Clifford Barney
A leader has the vision and conviction that a dream can be achieved. He inspires the power and energy to get it done. ~Ralph Nader
Wish for nothing so much that you forget to make it come true. ~Jeb Dickerson, www.howtomatter.com
Why get married? For human beings, marriage is such an unnatural state. If you want monogamy, it has been said, you should marry a swan. ~Quentin Crisp, "The Art of Celibacy"
California can and does furnish the best bad things that are obtainable in America. ~Hinton R. Helper
The moment when you first wake up in the morning is the most wonderful of the twenty-four hours. No matter how weary or dreary you may feel, you possess the certainty that, during the day that lies before you, absolutely anything may happen. And the fact that it practically always doesn't, matters not a jot. The possibility is always there. ~Monica Baldwin
In my retirement I go for a short swim at least once or twice every day. It's either that or buy a new golf ball. ~Gene Perret
On the whole, human beings want to be good, but not too good, and not quite all the time. ~George Orwell
The big dispute between the government and Microsoft concerns the Internet "browser," which is the piece of software that puts a message on your computer screen informing you that the Internet is currently busy and you should try again later. As you can imagine, the potential market for this service is huge, so Microsoft would like you to use its browser, and not somebody else's. ~Dave Barry, 1998
Our deeds determine us as much as we determine our deeds. ~George Eliot
God: a disease we imagine we are cured of because no one dies of it nowadays. ~E.M. Cioran, The Trouble with Being Born, 1973
Many of our fears are tissue-paper-thin, and a single courageous step would carry us clear through them. ~Brendan Francis
The puzzling thing is that there is really a curious coincidence between astrological and psychological facts, so that one can isolate time from the characteristics of an individual, and also, one can deduce characteristics from a certain time.... ~Carl Jung
