blank stares at a blank diary. sometimes i felt like a stranger facing it, and more of a stranger as i scanned through the pages. days had went by and i have always desired a change; into someone better, into someone that matters, sometimes just to realize that i had taken the wrong turn and repeat the past cycles all over again, only better and more bitter.
as a child i faced too many confusing options; whether to change or to embrace the childhood (with those mood swings and inability to control whichever emotions to show). they wanted a change, i gave them the refined version of me. they wanted me to be better, i said yes and i tweaked myself again and again. all the way down there, like deteriorating bones because back in those days i abandoned myself and walked in their expectations.
sometimes i got criticized for being too much of a stranger even to myself. the reason why i laughed at the blank page was simply because i did not even feel familiar with the same me who wrote down the past pages.
//photography by devina
//old paper brushes credit to lailomeiel and zap-br, film brushes credit to chokingonstatic; all, from deviantart
//title taken from the lyrics i'm still here by john rzeznik
rusty graphic tee/ mango jeans and belt/ thrifted bracelets and rings/ coach bag/ aldo boots
today's holiday. a great chance for me to calm myself down, listen to my favorite music, and watch my favorite movies over and over again. basically an ideal day for me, although relaxing sometimes does make me feel guilty. have you been there too?
watched dorian gray yesterday, too. i will post a review here soon. :)
also, check out my interview with sonia of dozen dresses. she has a lovely blog!
