"The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, and the bad ones always seem to fall on me." Before you ask yourself why the wrong man always falls for you, you should ask why you always fall for the wrong man. Do you ever think that the men you choose stem from what you think you deserve, as opposed to what you believe you want? What am asking is, could you be the type of sistah that wants the man who listens to you, but gets and thinks you deserve the one who tells you what to do? Do you want a career man, but always get and think you deserve the jobless scrub? Picking the wrong man is perhaps something you can identify with, but you might be thinking to yourself, "Well I don't think I deserve him. I am looking for better." What I can tell you, from experience is looking for better and expecting worse, is a ditch that many of us fall into.
You want the happiness, but past experience makes it all too easy to expect the hardship. Hence, a beautiful sistah like yourself who believes she wants X, ends up with the unwanted, and readily expected Y. It is true that past experience is the best teacher, but it is also true that one can unconsciously call forth the past by awaiting its return in the future. In short, you must establish a median between what you want and what you deserve, regardless of the quality of relationships you have had and hope to receive. There are several things that you can do to weed out a few of those bad seeds not only with respect to the men you meet, but the mentality you have when you meet them.
Here are several things that you can do to weed out a few of those bad seeds, not only with respect to the men you meet, but the mentality you have when you meet them.
1) Clearly define what you want in a relationship, and communicate that want to your significant other. Don't let years past by before you realize that his needs and your own, do not coincide.
2) Once insane, always insane. If the brotha has issues that you find yourself trying to confirm to, in the hope that you can change him, leave him with his issues. Realize how hard it is to change yourself, let alone another person. The longer you stay in the depths of insanity, the harder it is to
leave.
3) In accordance with point 2, do not try to claim a man's emotions. Whatever he thinks is truth, don't justify it, try to define it, or claim it as your own. By taking on his baggage, you might find yourself blaming yourself for his actions!
4) Under the guise of hanging with the boys, sports, cars, and late nights on the street, men ponder the same pains, which we carry on our sleeves. Though our pains are often written on our faces, theirs lay deep within them, often times in a place we can never see. Do not yearn to find that place, just know of its existence. Moreover, understand that regardless of how one processes one's feelings, one of the best ways to resolve pain is to acknowledge it in the presence of those you love.
5) Finally and most importantly, understand that your significant other is an external reflection of your internal perception of who you believe yourself to be. Under stand what's inside, and the rest shall follow.
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