funny quotes about myself

I haven't lost my mind; I have a tape back-up somewhere. ~Author Unknown



Even in laughter the heart is sorrowful... ~Proverbs 14:13



I use the word "fat." I use that word because that's what people are: they're fat. They're not bulky; they're not large, chunky, hefty or plump. And they're not big-boned. Dinosaurs were big-boned. These people are not overweight: this term somehow implies there is some correct weight. There is no correct weight. Heavy is also a misleading term. An aircraft carrier is heavy; it's not fat. Only people are fat, and that's what fat people are! They're fat! ~George Carlin



Academe, n.: An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught. Academy, n.: A modern school where football is taught. ~Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary



People that don't like cats haven't met the right one yet. ~Deborah A. Edwards



Nurses dispense comfort, compassion, and caring without even a prescription. ~Val Saintsbury



I love writing. I love the swirl and swing of words as they tangle with human emotions. ~James Michener



"Anyway, I keep picturing all these little kids playing some game in this big field of rye and all. Thousands of little kids, and nobody's around - nobody big, I mean - except me. And I'm standing on the edge of some crazy cliff. What I have to do, I have to catch everybody if they start to go over the cliff - I mean if they're running and they don't look where they're going I have to come out from somewhere and catch them. That's all I do all day. I'd just be the catcher in the rye and all. I know it's crazy, but that's the only thing I'd really like to be." ~J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye, Chapter 22, spoken by the character Holden Caulfield



I do not like to write - I like to have written. ~Gloria Steinem



We are at the very beginning of time for the human race. It is not unreasonable that we grapple with problems. But there are tens of thousands of years in the future. Our responsibility is to do what we can, learn what we can, improve the solutions, and pass them on. ~Richard P. Feynman



A candle loses none of its light by lighting another candle. ~Author Unknown



Never invest in any idea you can't illustrate with a crayon. ~Peter Lynch



The best part of happiness is the pines. ~Terri Guillemets



The whole of science is nothing more than a refinement of everyday thinking. ~Albert Einstein



The obscure we see eventually. The completely obvious, it seems, takes longer. ~Edward R. Murrow



For a dreamer, night's the only time of day. ~From the movie Newsies



Optimists are nostalgic about the future. ~Chicago Tribune



Heresies are experiments in man's unsatisfied search for truth. ~H.G. Wells, Crux Ansata



Camouflage is a game we all like to play, but our secrets are as surely revealed by what we want to seem to be as by what we want to conceal. ~Russell Lynes



Optimists are nostalgic about the future. ~Chicago Tribune